Whether you’re raising a baby or a parrot, you can risk missing out on much of the joy if you focus excessively on achieving developmental goals or on living up to your own or other’s expectations.
Will Shanti step up on my hand like a good little parrot? Will his first words be precocious or delayed? Will he be congenial and adorable with everyone; or will he be obstinate, withdrawn and defensive? Is he a generous soul who can get along with many humans or tantrum-prone and overly dependent on just one?
I have to remind myself to let the parrot be a parrot, and to leave myself alone too.
A good parent and a good parront can’t be self-flagelating and competitive about their loved one’s development. Let them be a little spontaneous, idiosyncratic, unpredictable and crazy. The price of perpetual parental anxiety is to wake up one day and realize you missed the best part of your animal’s development because you were too busy worrying about it. You risk having children and animals who will view you as too controlling and rigid. Your bird may end up compulsively plucking his feathers, while you’re teetering forever on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
Shanti dropped to the floor for a few minutes today, pooped twice on the carpet, scratched at the couch, and eventually inched up to my fingertips and risked a ride home on my hand. It was a glorious moment of trust and excitement, as he flapped his wings mightily, pierced my finger slightly with his nail, and hung on for dear life. I gently placed him on his perch, where he now watches as I type. It’s been a great day. Like every day with Shanti.
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The first word my now 14 year old grey said to me was "Boo!" And I realized the great thing about greys is that what they say says a lot about you. To him, the great thing about me was that I loved to play with him. And I thought...you know, I should be playing a lot more. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. That changed my life although it didn't seem like a life changing moment at the time. I look back now and realize that this bundle of grey feathers is a life coach. And he does his job effortlessly.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get as much joy and insight from Shanti.
Thanks a wonderful story, Rebecca. "Life coach" makes sense to me. It really is a two-way relationship. Thanks for sharing.
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