Don't Worry, Be Happy

Yesterday, I wrote about the dangers of fretting over bird cognitive development as an impediment to enjoying your relationship. Concerns about lagging African Greys are understandable given the extent to which we’ve hyped African Greys with names like Einstein. Then there's the stack of textbooks, scientific publications media attention Alex the African Grey has received. Prof. Irene Pepperberg’s CAG not only made scientific history with his linguistic achievements--proving once and for all that Greys understand language rather than just mimic it-—he was also the first parrot to merit an obituary in the New York Times.




But besides worrying that your parrot or child may not be a braniac there are additional ways to let human anxieties get in the way of a joyous relationship with bird or child.



We owe our kids and our birds a modicum of trust and confidence in their safe and happy futures. If the companions we nurture get infected with our anxiety over their well-being, that can be as debilitating as psittacosis or hepatitis.

Evolution has designed birds and humans to survive. This was a wonderful lesson I learned from the pediatrician who first examined my children and detected my tendency to overthink and overworry all aspects of their health. Dr. Pérez basically told me to chill, that my babies--even Eva who was a four-pound preemie —were healthy and strong. Once a child makes it through the birth canal, has well-functioning organs, five senses on high alert and a rockin' immune system, you can give evolution the benefit of the doubt. This kid's a winner.

Accepting the gift of the presumption of a healthy life for my children -— without any guarantees, of course—- was liberating for me.

Sure, babies can get menengitis, brain cancer, or AIDS. They can drown in the backyard swimming pool. They can be victims of abduction or urban warfare. They might grow up schizophrenic, diabetic or in a lifelong struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction. I’ve seen all of the above. But still, disaster is rare. Most of us will live a half century or so in pretty decent health, or with manageable illnesses/disabilities that won’t significantly impair our ability to lead fulfilling lives.

The same for birds. They can be ravaged by infection or kidney failure. They can eat poison, die in a fight with a house cat or doberman, chew their way to electrocution through the TV cord, land on the stove burner and go up in flames. They can inhale Teflon fumes; or they can get disoriented and fly away, ending up lost and eaten by an eagle or a pack of coyotes.

But these catastrophes probably won’t befall you and your bird. If you simply take a few precautions and give your loved one the fundamental care she needs, chances are good that all your anxieties are for naught. Fretting is in our DNA, but we don’t have to let it take control of our lives.

Think of safety and security, but don’t be motivated by fear. Chronic fearfulness can short circuit your relationships. It’s not good for you, your child or your parrot.