Is Having a Parrot Better Than Having a Baby?

Short answer: no. Becoming a father was hands-down the best thing that ever happened to me.

Besides, comparisons between human relationships and animal relationships are not very instructive. We humans and nonhumans simply live our lives together in utter interdependence, with ample opportunities for love among us.

So why are we having this conversation?




Well, caring for Shanti reminds me a lot of becoming a parent 21 years ago. For one thing, this is the first time in two decades that I’m excited about getting up in the morning. That’s a major improvement over dread on a bad day and irritability, procrastination and sloth on all the other days.

Lately I’m waking up with wonder and enthusiasm. I love to clean Shanti’s house, wash his dishes, give him his bath, prepare his food, listen to his wild songs, mumbles and sundry mechanical vocalizations.

I also loved getting up at 6 a.m. for my daughters, Hannah and Eva. I had an analogous routine of changing diapers, making breakfast, adoring their affection, yearning to make sense of their babbling, and striving to alleviate their discomforts.

But in some ways it’s more enjoyable with Shanti. Back in 1987, I was a harried 40-year-old with a stressful full-time job. I was a wound-tight ball of frustrations, ambitions and anxieties about the future.

Now I sleep better, work less, and have finally outgrown the grandiose ambitions. I no longer worry much about getting old and dying, since my generation and I are already getting old and dying. True, I’m still a bundle of petty anxieties, ready to implode and collapse at a moment’s notice over a trifle. But playing with Shanti and basking in his glow helps immensely. Nurturing

Shanti works some biochemical magic on my nervous system, soothing my inner idiots, shaming them into at least temporary exile.

Having a profound relationship with other animals like Shanti and with our human loved ones is a blessing, a healing.

Mark Bekoff says, “Without close and reciprocal relationships with other animal beings, we’re alienated from the rich, diverse and magnificent world in which we live. That’s why we seek out animals for emotional support.”

I seek out Shanti to enjoy and accept the responsibilities of this reciprocity with the animal world. In so doing, I enrich my life and expand the range of my compassion.